From Exhilarating Beginnings to Dreaded Ends

We've all been there, were out and we meet someone new, someone we actually enjoy being around and so the story begins. There are specific stages all relationships go through, and a great model to look at when deciphering where your relationship stands is the Knapp's Relational Model. You may be wondering, "why would I use a model to determine my next steps or where my relationship is going?", well I'll tell you. The Knapps model incorporates two individual models in itself. Covering ten steps, each model has its own five. In the escalation model these steps include initiating, experimenting, intensifying, integrating, and bonding. The escalation phase is always the better of the two models to stay in. The second model, the termination model is no one's favorite. The stages of this model are differentiating, circumscribing, stagnating, avoiding, and the hardest stage, termination.

Termination is the ending of a relationship by both individuals involved or simply by one. A mutual separation is always the easiest, but it doesn't always work out that way. In my experience, I have never had the simple parting of ways. Ending a relationship whether that be with a friend, or a partner can be heartbreaking for both of you, we never want to hurt another person but sometimes we just have to put ourselves first.

In my most recent relationship, it came down to two people who simply wanted different things, and while I saw this, he did not want to acknowledge it. We were two people trying to fit the wrong puzzle pieces together. Long story short this did not work out well in the end. Throughout the termination model, I looked back and remembered how each of us played a role in the stages, almost to a tea. There were definitely differences being seen, communication and reciprocal listening went out the window, I did end up feeling very stuck because of this and finally began avoiding any emotional or physical encounters. I confronted him, telling him things were not working and that I thought a break would do us good, although he was not happy with the idea he conceded. When asking for this space it was not given which led to the ultimate outcome of our relationship. At the time of the breakup, it was obviously hard because I knew I would be hurting someone who I cared about, so I very kindly spoke my truth.

In breakups we have to be very honest and up-front, I feel this is the only way true closure can be found and no one has to walk away with a dirty conscience. Being sensitive and treating everyone with the Golden Rule in mind is key. Remember, it's okay for things that were once great to come to an end, it's in the best interest of everyone, if things aren't working out, to walk away and allow room for something better for the both of you. Although me and this person are not on speaking terms, I feel good knowing that we did all we could to salvage the relationship and I can come away from it knowing more than when I went in.